I’m going to say the A word.
ANGER
There it is, one of the emotions that gets the baddest rap, just like Leroy Brown. It’s the domain of the junkyard dog, dangerous, destructive and painful.
How do you deal with anger? We all experience it, and it either turns in or out.
Would it be refreshing to hear that anger is an emotion, not a behaviour. That it is a powerful, protective force and that it can be harnessed into action in a hundred different ways?
I was one who could not experience anger, there was no space for my anger growing up. It was something I reacted to in others rather than ever experienced myself.
So for me, anger was always suppressed.
That doesn’t mean it didn’t have an effect. It certainly did, only the effect it had was mostly on me. It manifested in self hatred, negative self talk, devaluing and making myself responsible every time anything went wrong.
It was miserable.
But it was safe.
It took me many years to start expressing anger and to do it in a way that was not aggressive or destructive, but assertive, powerful and filled with momentum.
Life without feeling or expressing anger is actually just as unsafe as life filled with angry outbursts, because my boundaries couldn’t be protected. I couldn’t speak up for myself.
I was at the mercy of others kindness, and really unable to let others know how I wished to be treated and when they were stepping on my toes.
So my toes were stepped on a lot!
I did jobs that I really didn’t love, simply because this was a direction I had taken.It seemed that I was not that I was captain of my own ship or able to make decisions that served me. So I floated through life, seemingly successful, as a doctor, a GP, but without a sense of purpose, a rudder, or momentum towards a purpose filled, jubilant, joyous life.
Anger is the emotion that enlivens and excites me now.
It alerts me to the difference between me and other people and supports me to express my difference instead of merging with general opinion.
Feeling it is like a powerful support inside me, it whispers to me that I am as important as anyone else and deserve to be heard. That my time is now and not to back down. To not fear judgement or dislike and to step into who I am with purpose, direction and fun.
It is anger which supports my belief in myself and my capacity, it’s a rising energy that can be shaped to create blog post or drive social media presence and fuels my fearlessness about becoming visible in this online space.
So how do you deal with your anger? What do you tell yourself about it? What was your first reaction when you saw the word?
I invite you to befriend your anger,
and see it as the ally it could be to bring you into the world forcefully yet gently, feeling your own power, and aware of your impact on others.
I love watching my clients blossom as they drop the stories they have been telling themselves, replacing old patterns with new, more vibrant ways of living.
Very good stuff Leila
I on the other hand grew up with anger which was all too easy expressed until I, like you, learned to suppress it. Either way it is an emotion and even though we may limit our choices by flying off the handle , we also disable ourselves with suppression My anger these days may involve a decent hissy fit but physical violence is just not on and never will be. I have control over my anger by removing myself (quickly if need be) and maintaining the fact that despite how hurt I am/feel I never resort to violence. I allow anger to my round table of selves but being a round table there is not allowed to be a dictator in charge of proceedings. The king of the table at any one time is there to rule with equity and clear judgement
I love that you have a round table where everyone has equal voice!