Working with Fear
I am so keen to write this blog because I am dealing with enormous fear at present as I step into my new life.
That’s only to be expected, and it’s not the fear that I’m concerned about (in fact it’s almost exciting, if I can get enough breath) but how to work with it.
Fear is what happens to keep me safe,
it wants to keep me small and secure in my cave, where nothing changes and I don’t have to think.
The thing is, I’m getting older, I’ll be 60 in a couple of years, and I’ve always held to the belief that when I’m old, I will look back on my life and celebrate the adventures, instead of regretting missed opportunities.
That’s why I left my day job as a GP.
Now I am inventing a new life, stepping into a version of myself where I create the rules and I am working with fear everyday.
It’s electrifying and terrifying!
Don’t misunderstand, I’ve leapt out of my comfort zone many times in my life.
I’ve travelled for 12 months at a time on several occasions, through Asia and Europe, abandoned medicine to go live in the south of France, Changed countries, changed cities, trekked the Annapurna Circuit for three weeks in Nepal and learned a new language by immersion for 12 months in pre-internet and mobile phone days.
But this present journey is an inner game.
Every day fear is calling out to me asking,
“What have you got?”
“How much do you believe in yourself today?”
The highs and lows are amazing. Each time I write a blog I feel ecstatic, self expression is like that, it’s the antidote to shame.
But in the interim I feel as if I’m flailing around trying to catch the ghost of my own greatness and thinking, “Who do you think you are?”
This is working with fear.
What amazes me is that the low and the high points are equally uncomfortable.
Clients drop away and I’m speaking to no-one on social media, money dries up and I wonder why I left my comfortable cave, and, surprisingly, it is just as uncomfortable when money, clients and opportunities flow abundantly.
Last month I hit an all-time high in my business, and I was struggling to accept it, own it and gracefully let it flow in.
So, fear is everywhere, and it will be until I achieve buddhahood! Luckily I have many beautiful mentors and teachers who embody the fearlessness I aspire to and graciously show me the way to stay with it, and to use it as a motivating energy.
What I know is this, stepping out into my zone of fear is the most electrifying journey of being alive.
It needs heaps of good support, from peers and teachers, and taking the leap is greatly rewarded.
My reward is not money, though that is a nice byproduct of the journey.
My reward is creating a tribe who are hungry to grow, who have skin in the game and want to play. Who value connection, self expression and growing their own inner calm so that they can move forward in life with confidence. Who are open minded and open to infinite possibilities in this life. These are the people I want to spend my time with.
Maybe this post will speak to you as you dip your toe into the river of change.
I would love to hear from you about your experience of the journey!